By Yixin, Canada
My son’s problems emerged one after another.
When my son was 9, I found he had become addicted to playing video games and watching TV. Every day when he got home from school, he would throw his schoolbag aside, go to the living room, and begin to play games on the tablet. As soon as he started playing, he could not stop it. And if I had not called him to dinner, he would even have forgotten to eat. When I told him to do his homework, he would say that he already had his homework finished at school. One time, after he said this, I advised him, saying: “Now you have finished your homework, why not come and help sweep the floor for me? Don’t keep playing with the tablet after you came home. It’s bad for your eyes.” However, he fixed his eyes on the tablet without even raising his head, and said: “Why me? Why can’t daddy do it?” Seeing him give me the cold shoulder, I continued: “Daddy has work to do.” “Then, why don’t you do it yourself?” He pouted. Seeing him answer back repeatedly, I replied impatiently: “I’m your mother. I’m telling you to do this for your own good.” Then he said reluctantly: “Fine. I’ll go and fold up my own clothes.” Hearing these words, I flew into a temper: Every time I ask you to give me some help, you not only disobey me, but are stiff-necked, always arguing with me and answering me back. How could I allow you to go on like this! So I gave him a good talking-to. Eventually, wearing a long face, he went to do as I said, under protest. https://reurl.cc/bdvLo
In addition to being obsessed with playing games and watching TV, my son also often told lies, which was a bigger headache for me. I remember that once, the tablet was missing from the living room and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I wondered if my son had taken it to play games, for he was at home that day. With this thought, I went straight to his room. When I opened the door, I saw that he was flipping through a book unnaturally. I looked him up and down, and the sight of his somewhat strange action made me suspect that he must have been playing with the tablet before he heard me coming and hurriedly picked up a book to pretend to read it. Then I asked him: “Do you know where the tablet is?” “I have no idea. Could it be that daddy took it?” He answered as if nothing had happened. When hearing this, I pulled a face and said seriously: “If you don’t tell me the truth, I’ll check under your quilt.” Seeing that he can’t conceal it, he pouted and reluctantly took out the tablet hidden under the pillow. At this sight, I was very angry, thinking: He tells lies at such a young age, then what will he grow up to be if he continues like this? So, I bawled him out: “Why did you hide the tablet? You were playing games, weren’t you?” He answered me back: “You haven’t got the right attitude. You are being impolite.” I said sternly: “It was you who took the tablet, yet you tried to conceal it from me by pretending to be reading a book and shifted the blame on your daddy. Are you right in doing so?” With that, I threw the tablet on his bed angrily. Then I saw he look at me with discontent and defiance in his eyes, sitting on the bed in silence with a darkened face. His silent confrontation made me very sad. I thought he would be obedient and admit his mistakes if I treated him more strictly. But I didn’t expect that things would turn out like this.
When I was alone, I always thought: My child is so disobedient. He cares about nothing but playing games and watching TV, and can’t even do any light housework. If he continues like this, won’t he become a parasite? Besides, he often tells lies. When he grows up, who dares interact with him and how can he establish himself in society in the future? My husband and I have urged him, scolded him, and even beaten him, yet none of these worked. What should we do? And how can we educate him well? It’s a real headache for us.
After I prayed and pleaded before God, His words guided me.
In desperation, I prayed to God and entrusted Him with my son. One day during spiritual cultivation, I read a passage of God’s words: “When parents talk down to their child and say, ‘I’m your father (or mother)! You must do as I say!’ the child takes exception to this ‘must’; it’s definitely not an expression of normal humanity. … If both sides lived by normal humanity, and if they were able to reach possession of the truth, with both sides putting themselves in each other’s shoes, and taking into account each other’s difficulties, from the perspective of normal humanity, and both sides standing on an equal footing when they interacted, spoke to each other, and did things, would this stop the estrangement developing between them? What causes what the unbelievers call the ‘generation gap’? Isn’t it that the older generation acts high and mighty, and the younger generation doesn’t like them doing so, which produces the estrangement, and leads to the generation gap—isn’t that how it comes about? If parents don’t act high and mighty, and the children can open up to them, and treat them as intimates, could there still be the estrangement between them? In particular, parents always treat their children like slaves, or else spoil them, overindulge them, and dote on them like a kitten or a puppy, whilst holding them tight, keeping a tight rein on them, strictly controlling them—with the result that the child stops being a child, and being a parent becomes very tiring.” https://reurl.cc/bdvLo
While pondering God’s words, I started to self-reflect: In my dealings with my son, I frequently took the position of the parent and disciplined him, thinking that he ought to obey me because he was my son and my telling him to spend less time playing video games and to learn to do some housework were for his own good. When he took no notice of me, and even talked back to me, I felt he had no regard for me. So I vented my anger on him in an attempt to compel him to listen to me. When I treated him based on my arrogant disposition, not only was he unconvinced, but he often answered me back and rebelled against me. As time went on, there seemed to be some barrier between the two of us. Close as we were in distance, we were estranged at heart. Actually, my son is still a child and he is too young to differentiate between positive and negative things, so it is inevitable that he follows the evil trends and plays games. However, I not only did not help him with love and patience, but often yelled at him through my temper. I really was too unreasonable! Besides, he is now in the rebellious phrase; if I keep lecturing him, he could not possibly listen to me, no matter how correct my words are. Though I want to bring him to the right path of life, my method of educating him is wrong. All of this is actually the consequence of my acting and speaking based on my arrogant disposition. Praise God! Through pondering His words, my heart was enlightened, and I found the cause of my failing to get along with my son.
Then, I also saw God’s words say: “Just be an ordinary person: Treat your children, treat those in your own family the same as you would an ordinary brother or sister. Although you have a responsibility, a fleshly relationship, nevertheless the position and perspective you should have is the same as with friends or ordinary brothers and sisters. That is, you can’t control, you can’t restrain your children, and always try to keep in command and have complete control over them. Let them make mistakes, let them say the wrong things, let them do childish and immature things, do stupid things. No matter what happens, sit down and calmly talk with them, communicate and seek. Don’t you think this attitude is good? Isn’t it right? So, what is being let go here? (Position and pride.) It is the letting go of the position and status of a parent, the airs of a parent, and all of the responsibility one thinks they should assume, everything that one thinks they should be doing as a parent; instead, it’s enough that one does the best they can in terms of their responsibility as an ordinary brother or sister.” Through God’s words, I found the way to practice: I should no longer compel my son to act as I wish from my position as a mother; rather, I should have a proper attitude toward him, let go of the parental position and status, and put aside my own opinions. No matter what happens, I should communicate with him calmly and learn about his true thoughts. He is still too young, so I should treat his mistakes appropriately. In the meanwhile, I also should rely on God, pray to God, entrust my son’s bad habits into God’s hands, and learn to seek the truth and use the truth to resolve the problems.
Practicing God’s words gave me nice surprises.
After understanding God’s will, in the following days, when I communicated with my son, I would intentionally humble myself and speak to him patiently. Once, when I saw he had been watching TV for two hours, I wanted to ask him to rest for a while, so I said: “Son, you have been watching TV for so long. It’s time to take a break. Come and help me sweep the floor, okay?” “Do it by yourself,” said he carelessly. Seeing his attitude, I was about to get angry again, but it immediately occurred to me that I should not act based on my hot blood. Thus, I prayed to God in my heart: “God! My son has just refused to listen to me and I want to use my position to control him again. I’m so arrogant! God! May You protect me from living by my corrupt disposition. May You guide me.” After my prayer, I walked to his side and talked with him about my experience in my childhood. I also told him the reason why I asked him to do the housework: “It’s all in order to cultivate your ability to live on your own, so that you could take care of yourself in the future. Otherwise, you would grow up to be a good-for-nothing.” Unexpectedly, after hearing my words, my son seemed to understand what I meant and went to sweep the floor without a murmur.
Later, when he saw there was clean laundry in the washer, he would actively take the clothes to his room, fold them, and put them away. He also would go get the mail from the mailbox on his own initiative. I was very gratified to see these changes in him. Previously, not until I repeatedly asked him to do these things did he reluctantly do them. Now, when I had just practiced a few of God’s word, learning to let go of the position and status of a parent and communicate with my son calmly, he could actually understand me and do some housework of his own accord. Seeing the improvement in him, sometimes I would give him some encouragement and praise, and he was quite happy with it. Gradually, our relationship became much more harmonious than before. Thanks be to God! https://reurl.cc/bdvLo
One day, I watched a film of the Christian Church, Child, Come Back Home. The hero, a high school student, once lost himself because of being obsessed with online gaming. But luckily, after a few setbacks, he finally saw through the true essence and danger of online gaming under the guidance of God’s words, successfully broke his online gaming addiction, and walked onto the luminous path of life. Seeing these, I was reminded of my son, who was addicted to games as well, and I decided to communicate with him so that he could detect Satan’s trickery and quit gaming. Then I prayed to God first, asking Him to lead me lest I restrict my son by speaking in the place of a mother.
After my prayer, I called my son to me and then we watched the film together. Afterward, I fellowshiped with him patiently: “My son, it pains me much to see that, after you come back from school, you bury yourself in games and even forget to eat dinner because of it. It’s not that I don’t allow you to play with the tablet. The games on the tablet are actually what Satan uses to deceive and corrupt people. Once people play these games for a long time, they don’t feel like doing anything they are supposed to or capable to do, such as eating, doing the laundry, doing the housework, and doing the homework. As you can see, due to the addiction to online gaming, the teenagers in the film who used to be obedient and get good grades start to skip school and cut classes, thus saddening their parents, and one of them even plays himself to death. In fact, it is Satan that has killed him through the games. So are the games good or bad things for people? Look how you lied and deceived me for the sake of playing games before. These games can’t change us for the better but only make us became ever worse.” Hearing my words, my son nodded and said: “Mommy, it turns out that playing games is so bad. Now I understand, and I’m willing to quit gaming in the future.”
One day, my son said to me: “Mommy, I felt like playing games again. I know doing that is bad, but I could not control myself. So I hid the tablet. In this way, I can’t see it and won’t think about playing games on it.” When I heard him say this, I was very happy in my heart. I could see that he did want to change himself, and it was just that the games were too great a temptation for people and my son was unable to completely give them up at once. Hence, I encouraged him and told him to pray to and rely on God more when he wanted to play games.
Concluding Remarks
Later, I found that gradually my son was no longer as obsessed with playing games as he had been before. He also lied less and could take the initiative to talk with us about things he had done. Seeing these changes in him, I thanked God from the bottom of my heart. Through my experience, I truly saw that only God’s words can change man. When I acted on His words, not only my arrogant disposition changed, but my son was willing to change himself as well, and the relationship between the two of us also became increasingly harmonious. No matter what befalls me in the future, I’m willing to come before God more to seek the truth, and practice based on God’s words, because only by living relying on God’s words can my path become brighter and brighter. Thank God! https://reurl.cc/bdvLo
» You might be interested in:
• Best Way to Make Naughty Kids Obedient
Also Read
Sometime school is no longer a pure land but, like society, full of strife; so is my school. Every class has some bullies. They always bully weaker classmates apart from those who have special relationships with the head-teachers or the president. Also, I was often bullied. My neighbor, tall and strong, always troubled me and asked me to buy him something. If I didn’t do so, he would hit me with his partners. Because of these, I took care to deal with him for fear of being hit. Even though I am a Christian, when encountering things, I did not know how to seek God’s will or how to tell right from wrong, much less rely on God. Unconsciously, I fell into Satan’s temptations. One day, when I was doing schoolwork, some bullies came to me, one of which was their head. He sat cross-legged beside me and said with a toothpick in his mouth, “Xiaoqiang, let’s be sworn brothers. Every now and then those boys pick a quarrel with you, as long as you hang out with us, I guarantee none dare make trouble for you anymore.” I thought to myself, “You guys are not good people and notorious for pugnacity. If hanging out with you, I will be dragged down to your level. I won’t do that.” So I declined, “We are classmates even if not sworn brothers. Now I have to review my lessons. Why don’t you just find someone else?” He said, “It’s for your own good. Think it over.” After his word, they left. Thereafter, they came to me many times. One of them said to me, “I see you’re honest and always bullied. That’s why I want you to join us. Don’t you see that if we don’t want to be bullied at school, parents have to visit (give gifts to) the president or the head-teachers frequently? Under the care of our head-teacher, none dare pick on you.” And their head said, “If you don’t want to be bullied, only when you are somebody at school does no one dare provoke you. If you don’t listen to us, you must help us with our homework. It’s up to you.” After school, I lying in bed in my dormitory, their words surfaced in my mind just like playing a movie. I thought: What they said makes sense. I am often bullied at school and my tall and strong neighbor always wants to find fault with me to hit me. Besides, I live in a poor family and my dad won’t give gifts to teachers. Alas! They’ve come to me several times. If I refuse again, will they also pick a quarrel with me? After a struggle, I decided to agree with them. I, hanging out with them at first, spent all my time eating, drinking and playing, except when I attended classes. I grudged spending my allowance given by my father but saved it to treat them to food and drink. They wouldn’t spend their money until mine was used up. I thought they just used me to treat them to dinner, but never thought that they began to call me to fight. One day, when I was doing my schoolwork, one of them ran to me and panted, “Our boss asks us to fight. Why are you still here? Hurry up! Let’s go!” Upon hearing this, I was stunned, thinking: Fight? I’ve never fought with anyone in my life. Why do we fight? What if we hurt someone? With this in mind, I was somewhat afraid and asked him, “Why do we fight? What if we beat someone to a wreck?” He answered, “I don’t know. Since our boss asks us to do so, let’s go. It’s impossible for us to beat others to be disabled.” With that, he dragged me away. When arriving there, I heard them saying, “Where are the two boys? Where are they? Where did they hide?” I thought: It’s better to not find them, that way we don’t have to gang up on them. If anything is to happen, then that will be trouble. At the point, the boss said indignantly, “Let’s go and have lunch first and then deal with this matter.” After the lunch, we went upstairs. All I heard was the boss bellowing, “Beat them! Beat hard!” After hearing this, I said to myself: I have no animosity against them. Why will I do that? But if I don’t do that, I’ll be ashamed and looked down on by my sworn brothers. Then one word, “Do anything for a friend,” popped into my head. Anyway, I am here, and I’ll just pretend to beat those two boys. Then walking toward the two boys, I pretended to kick them but actually missed. When I tried to do that again, the boss yelled, “Stop! Stop it!” And the two boys freaked out and rushed to escape. When they had gone, the boss asked me harshly, “Why didn’t you fight?” “Because you’ve already tangled with them,” I answered, “I couldn’t tell who was who and was afraid to beat the wrong guy.” The second I said this, the bell rang. We came back to the classroom and with that the boss said quickly, “Xiaoqiang, we are asked to go to our head-teacher’s office.” I thought: It’s over. Was the fight discovered? As I went into our head-teacher’s office, I caught sight of the two classmates who were beaten and their parents, as well as our president. At the moment, I was very nervous with my heart pounding, thinking: How will their parents treat me? What should I do? Why do I hang out with these bullies? Why did I help them fight? If I didn’t fight I wouldn’t encounter this matter. Thinking about this, I felt my heart sank. When I was aggrieved, a passage of God’s word that was fellowshiped about at a meeting in the past came to me, “Can someone’s environment have a big…
Nowadays, most parents care about their children’s academic performance very much. It’s very common for them to send their children to all kinds of tutoring centers or training classes at all costs to get excellent grades. Once the academic result doesn’t live up to parents’ expectation, they will get worked up. I have seen a post from a parent on a forum saying, “This term my daughter’s academic performance rapidly declined and her class ranking slipped all the way. On an impulse, I ranted and raved at her. Looking at her depressed face, I felt for her. I can understand she’s been under a lot of pressure. I wish I hadn’t placed too much importance on her results …” Why Do Parents Place so Much Importance on Children’s Results? What Would the Impact Be? From this post, I can feel his helplessness and great expectations of his daughter. Then why do most parents attach great importance to children’s academic achievements? They know they will give children a lot of pressure, and it will easily cause a rift between parents and children, but why they still have been putting pressure on children to get high scores? One day, I saw a paragraph of words on the Internet. It really hits the nail on the head when it reveals the crux of the problem. It is said, “Is hoping that their children can all become the cream of the crop the right viewpoint to have? People all hope that their children can be successful. Everyone hopes their children can go to a famous university, then take up advanced studies, earn a degree, and afterward stand out among others and gain a firm foothold in society. People all have this viewpoint and all want their children to pursue higher education because of the saying: ‘The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all.’ Furthermore, competition in this modern society is especially intense. If they don’t have a university degree or have a firm foothold in society, making a living becomes a problem in the future. This is everybody’s thinking and point of view. That is, what you learn and what kind of educational background you can achieve will decide your livelihood, your future. In other words, people intend to rely on this thing to survive throughout life, and they see it as especially important. That’s why everyone sees receiving a high-level education and getting into a top university as the number one most important thing for their children” (“Knowing Yourself Requires Knowing Your Deep-rooted Thoughts and Views”). From these words we can see that, influenced by the view, “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all,” many parents think that if their kids can get an excellent academic performance in school, kids will go to a famous university, pick a nice major and get a good job. Thus, they will have a bright future and a good fate. As a result, once kids’ results decline, parents are worried to death that their kids’ future will be affected. Naturally, the scores have become a top priority in parents’ eyes. They will get anxious and throw a fit when their kids disappoint their expectations, which harms kids’ mental and physical health seriously. From the cases that happened around us, or on the Internet as well as TV, we can see that many kids are dejected and feel down because of great pressure in study. Gradually, kids keep their parents at arm’s length and get started to rebel against them. What’s worse, some kids will probably commit suicide. Meanwhile, parents are often smitten by deep remorse because of kids’ frustration after they give kids a lecture. In fact, these chain phenomena are all terrible consequences brought about by the fact that people live according to the view, “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all”. Can Academic Results Really Decide One’s Future and Fate? Then another passage of word caught my eyes, “Some people choose a good major in college and end up finding a satisfactory job after graduation, making a triumphant first stride in the journey of their lives. Some people learn and master many different skills and yet never find a job that suits them or find their position, much less have a career; at the outset of their life journey they find themselves thwarted at every turn, beset by troubles, their prospects dismal and their lives uncertain. Some people apply themselves diligently to their studies, yet narrowly miss all their chances to receive a higher education, and seem fated never to achieve success, their very first aspiration in the journey of their lives dissolving into thin air. Not knowing whether the road ahead is smooth or rocky, they feel for the first time how full of variables human destiny is, and so regard life with hope and dread. Some people, despite not being very well educated, write books and achieve a measure of fame; some, though almost totally illiterate, make money in business and are thereby able to support themselves…. What occupation one chooses, how one makes a living: do people have any control over whether they make a good choice or a bad choice? Do they accord with their desires and decisions? Most people wish they could work less and earn more, not to toil in the sun and rain, dress well, glow and shine everywhere, tower above others, and bring honor to their ancestors. People’s desires are so perfect, but when people take their first steps in the journey of their lives, they gradually come to realize how imperfect human destiny is, and for the first time they truly grasp the fact that, though one can make bold plans for one’s future, though one may harbor audacious fantasies, no one has the ability or the power to realize his or her own dreams, no one is in a position to control his or…
She failed in the college entrance examination time and again, and realized that God’s arrangements for our fate are always the best after obeying God.
By Xiao Huan, China The high school entrance examination in 2012 was the first turning point in my life. My family had high expectations for me, and I confidently thought that I could get into high school. But I failed, and became very depressed. After that, I was unable to get over the failure for a very long time. Afterward, my mother realized that I was living in mental pain every day, so she read some of God’s words to me, “I am well acquainted with the thoughts of man’s mind and the wishes of man’s heart: Who has never looked for a way out for themselves? Who has never thought of their own prospects? Yet even though man is possessed of a rich and prismatic intellect, who was able to predict that, following the ages, the present would turn out as it has? Is this really the fruit of your own subjective efforts? Is this the payment for your tireless industry? Is this the beautiful tableau envisaged by your mind? If I did not guide all mankind, who would be able to separate themselves from My arrangements and find another way out? Is it the thoughts and wishes of man that have brought him to today? Many people go their whole lives without having their wishes fulfilled. Is this really because of a fault in their thinking? Many people’s lives are filled with unexpected happiness and satisfaction. Is this really because they expect too little? Who of the whole of mankind is not cared for in the eyes of the Almighty? Who does not live in the midst of the Almighty’s predestination? Whose birth and death come from their own choices? Does man control his own fate?” Through God’s words I came to know that God orchestrates and arranges the fate of us humans. We cannot foresee what rough and bumpy paths we will walk and what setbacks we will experience. From the outside, it seems unfortunate that I failed my exams, but from God’s perspective it had His good intentions in it. Under the leadership of God’s words, I was able to obey God gradually and walk away from my pain. When I had no illusions about my future and fate and was willing to submit to God’s arrangements, I gained admittance to nursing school. My whole family was overjoyed. I felt that God was by my side and could help me at any time. I thanked God from the bottom of my heart. In the blink of an eye, five years of nursing school passed. I was going to face the second turning point in my life—the nurse certificate examinations. This certificate was particularly important to me, as it proved I’d studied nursing. Without it, I couldn’t do any jobs related to nursing, meaning my five years of studying would have been wasted. I particularly thought of my father, who worked from dawn to dusk to provide for my tuition, and how it would disappoint him so much if I couldn’t get the certificate. For the sake of my own future and face, and to not let my parents down, I desperately wanted to get the certificate, and therefore I was under great pressure. As the exam day approached, I got more and more nervous. Every day I spent hours imagining life after the exam: If I made it, I would look so great in the nurse’s uniform; but what if I failed? How would my family and friends see me? How would I survive in society without a certificate? … The nervousness before the exam almost suffocated me, so I went to talk to my mother. She said, “Your nervousness is caused by your ignorance of God’s sovereignty. All of our fates are subject to God’s sovereignty. All we can do is to submit to His orchestrations and arrangements.” Then she asked me to read a passage of God’s words, “The life of man is entirely in God’s hands. Where a person can go and where he cannot go, what duty he may perform, where he lives every day, where he will live during what years, what else he will go do and for how many years, and at what points he will change life direction—all these things have been appointed by God in advance” (“A Person Can Live Life With Dignity Only by Submitting to and Revering God”). It is so true. God has already predestined my fate. If being a nurse is not decreed by fate, then no matter how hard I work for it, I will never be able to succeed. I’m just a created being, so I should submit to the Creator’s orchestrations and arrangements. Afterward, my mother fellowshiped with me a lot, and I realized that whether I would have a bright future ahead of me or not would not be determined by the results of that exam, but by God’s arrangements. Therefore, I came before God and prayed, “O God, I’m about to take the nursing exam and I’m not sure if I can make it. I wish for you to guide me. If I don’t make it, please protect me so that I will not blame You and will still submit to Your sovereignty.” However, I still had butterflies in my stomach, so I told God about all my difficulties and whatever was in my heart. Afterward, I read a passage of God’s words, “Regardless of how many truths people understand, … no matter how great or small their stature is or what their personal environment is like, something that they cannot be without is looking to God and relying on God in all things; this is the greatest wisdom. … Sometimes, looking to God doesn’t mean asking God to do something using specific words, or asking Him for specific guidance or protection. Rather, it is that when people encounter some issue, they are able to call on Him sincerely. So, what is God doing there when people…
In modern society, the relationships between many parents and their children have reached a deadlock; worse still, because many conflicts haven’t been resolved in time, there could even appear wide gaps between parents and children, which
Peace be with you all! Dear brothers and sisters, if you have any understanding or enlightenment from God, you’re welcome to share with us.
1. Via the online chat window at the bottom right corner of the screen.
2. Send an email to info@testifygod.org.
We sincerely hope we’ll grow spiritually through sharing with each other.
留言列表
